Bonus Back to School Edition: Keeping Kids Covid Safe

A look at the struggles that Covid aware parents (and children) are facing as we head into another school year. The increase in bullying, peer pressure and mocking for masking is a BIG problem.

A few weeks ago - I posted on social media and asked people to share stories of times they were judged, assaulted or otherwise bothered for masking. 

I knew I would get a few responses - but underestimated the volume and severity. 

It’s bleak out there for those still masking - and downright hostile if you have kids. As the children head back to school - where there are still no Covid mitigations in place - I find myself asking… are the kids alright?

The vitriol that maskers have to contend with is getting worse every day - with escalating mask bans in the U.S. fuelling the fire. 

Many people feel “justified” in belittling maskers because they’re angry about mask mandates at the height of the pandemic. They claim to have been harassed for choosing NOT to mask - and therefore are returning the favour by harassing the people still masking.

Regardless of the attempts at justification - it’s never ok to verbally or physically assault someone. For masking OR not masking. 

I’m heartbroken that so many people are STILL being harassed for choosing to mask - especially considering mandates have been over for years. The stories I received ranged from rude comments to physical violence and everything in between. There’s been high profile examples such as Will Keenan who was left blind in one eye after being assaulted for masking and Shari Stuart - a North Carolina cancer patient who was screamed at and coughed on for refusing to remove her mask. 

I knew these things were happening - and have had some pretty vile things shouted at me when I’m out in my mask. What I didn’t consider was what the experience is like for young children and their parents. 

I (perhaps foolishly) assumed that anti-maskers would stop short of bullying a child. That grown ups would realize it’s never ok to pick on, tease or harass a kid. 

I was wrong.

I received countless messages from parents explaining how their child has been teased, harassed or bullied for masking. Not just by other children - but by people in positions of authority like teachers and doctors. 

Disheartened parents confided in me that their children had been pressured to remove their masks in hospital settings - including in Long Covid clinics. Others shared stories of teachers docking marks for students who gave presentations while masking. Many said that healthcare workers had told their child that their parents were ‘anxious’ and that they shouldn’t listen to them.

The only thing more heartbreaking than the content of the messages I got was the sheer volume of them. These events are not outliers - they’re happening across the world to parents and children who are Covid cautious. Even in places where you would assume you would be ‘safe’ - such as a Long Covid clinic - there’s still pressure to remove one’s mask.

Can you imagine having a child suffering chronic illness after a Covid infection - and trying desperately to protect them from getting it again - only to have the doctor meant to HELP them adjust to life with Long Covid be the person pushing them to stop taking precautions? How is this where we’ve ended up?

As if harassing children isn’t bad enough - parents with kids who mask said they too have experienced abuse. They’ve been told they’re harming their children, accused of bad parenting and in extreme cases - been threatened with having their children taken from them. 

Photo by David Pisnoy on Unsplash

Image Description: A photo of a blonde haired girl with a ponytail wearing all black and carrying an orange backpack. Her back is to the camera and she’s facing a bright yellow wall.

Which brings us to the question of back to school and whether the kids are alright?

We know COVID is not a cold. It’s not mild. It’s not over. It’s a multi-system vascular virus that can damage every part of your body and children are NOT immune from this damage. We’re only 4.5 years in - we don’t yet know the full long term implications.

What we do know is millions have died - and 400 million people have been disabled. Including children. 

Cumulative infections drastically increase risk of disability. Young kids just starting their lives have the MOST to lose and will be infected MORE than older people. It’s possible they will have had more Covid infections than birthdays by the time they reach adulthood. 

If you’re a Covid aware parent - you’re rightfully scared. It’s not “anxiety”. It’s not misplaced. It’s a very natural response to a significant threat to the health and long term survival of your children. It’s hard to keep them safe when society has given up. 

As someone with multiple severe chronic illnesses - some post viral in nature - I can tell you that if my conditions could have been avoided by wearing a mask I would have wanted my parents to teach me to do so. I would want them to teach me how to protect myself and others.

Isn’t that what good parenting should be? Helping your children understand that they’re not an island? They exist in society and part of being in a community is taking care of others. Recognizing the needs of other people is what makes a good neighbour, friend and person. Taking measures to protect your health and the health of others is an act of community care.

Moreover - schools are doing nothing to combat the spread of Covid. They’ve had years to adopt clean air standards - which would not only reduce infections but have positive impacts to the health and wellbeing of everyone in the classroom. They could upgrade ventilation and install air purifiers.

Instead - we are increasingly seeing a push towards normalizing all manner of illnesses and sending kids to school even when they’re sick. We give out awards for perfect attendance and penalize children who miss school due to illness.

This year - we saw the CDC say that students with lice no longer need to be sent home from school early. I had lice as a child - it was traumatizing and not something I would wish on anyone - and I was immediately sent home from school and instructed not to return until the lice were gone. Why are we suddenly encouraging kids with communicable diseases to STAY in crowded classrooms?

It’s not just lice either. This article about Covid and other illnesses suggests kids can return to school as soon as they’re fever free - even if they’re actively coughing or have diarrhea. There’s a diarrhea scale (I wish this was made up) to help you judge how much diarrhea a child should deal with in the classroom. According to the scale - 3 to 5 watery stools a day is a-ok for attending school.

Maybe things have changed since I was in school - but it wasn’t easy to go to the bathroom. You had to raise your hand and ask for permission. I had extremely heavy periods and multiple ‘accidents’ and let me tell you - kids were CRUEL. I can only imagine how kids coping with diarrhea would be treated. It’s not right to encourage them to go to school when they’re that ill.

Finally - two Canadian provinces announced their plan to remove the Peanut bans which have been in place to protect kids with peanut allergies for decades. Peanut allergies can be airborne and are life threatening - so we’ve always told parents not to send their kids to school with anything that has peanuts in it. The risk to allergic children is simply too high. I can’t imagine WHY we would ever want to reverse these life saving bans - though you can check out this article from Canada Health Watch for some potential reasons.

All of the above makes me question whether the kids are alright. Schools don’t feel like terribly safe places at the moment. We’re encouraging spreading illness and bullying the children who are actively trying to prevent it. Children who mask, who stay home when they’re sick and who are chronically ill are being treated badly by their peers, their teachers and school administrators.

We’ve truly lost our way.

I don’t know WHY we’ve decided to take this approach - but I suspect it has to do with late stage capitalism as well as labour shortages due to record illness and disability. Most parents can’t afford full-time help if their child is sick - so they’re forced to miss work if their kid has to stay home from school. Perhaps there’s too many people missing work and that’s why we’re effectively tossing the kids to the wayside?

I genuinely think there’s going to be a reckoning when the “pandemic generation” of kids grow up. Many are being infected multiple times per year and will end up with serious health issues. 

They will ask the adults in their life why more wasn’t done to protect them. What will we tell them?

For now - the best we can do is keep pushing for clean air in schools. We can support the children and parents who are choosing to mask. We can push back on people bullying those who are masking. We can speak up for any child who’s being bullied for any reason - because children need to know that someone has their back.

We’ll never reduce Covid spread if we keep vilifying the people trying to stop it. We’ll end up with an increasingly sick population and lasting economic damage. If someone is willing and able to mask that behaviour should be encouraged. They’re breaking chains of transmission.

Lastly - I ask people to genuinely consider what kind of a world they want to leave behind for the children and what kinds of people they want to raise. Do you think teaching children that they’re not responsible for anyone else and don’t owe anyone anything is a good lesson? Is ‘you do you’ and ‘your health is NOT my responsibility’ the best messaging to impart on a young impressionable child?

Do you think letting your own children see you bully or mock another parent or child for masking is teaching them how to be kind and responsible members of society? These are very important questions - and we aren’t asking them nearly enough.

Communities have to care for each other or they fall apart. 

If you’re that angry about mask mandates - you don’t have to mask. No one is forcing you. But don’t put that anger onto your children. Don’t yell at other kids. Don’t brag about how healthy you are while knowingly infecting others. One day your behaviour may kill or disable someone.

To the parents still trying to keep their kids covid safe - you’re amazing. As a childless woman who was sick a lot as a kid - I can tell you how much it means to me when I see parents doing everything they can to safeguard their kids health. 

I know it’s lonely, frustrating and exhausting right now…. But I believe your kids will thank you one day. Every infection avoided and delayed is a win. And every child who grows up knowing there’s value in protecting others? That’s a child who just might change the world.

I know this was a heavy article about a sensitive and difficult topic - so I’m adding a trigger warning before the final section. Please feel free to skip or come back later if you’re feeling overwhelmed.

When people read this article - or when they’re tempted to judge a child for masking - I want them to think about the story I’m about to share. It’s about a girl named Cara (name changed to protect her identity) - a 16 year old kid who was bullied into removing her mask at school. Her mom was immunocompromised and going through chemotherapy - so Cara understood the need to avoid Covid. But she was increasingly pressured not to mask - and the school even refused to use an air purifier that Cara’s family provided. She caught Covid, gave it to her mom and her mom passed away.

This is NOT Cara’s fault. She was failed by her school, government and public health. This was a child who was TRYING to do her best to keep her Mom safe - and yet she was pressured to stop taking precautions.

I lost my Mom to cancer at 19 and it fundamentally altered the rest of my life. That grief has never fully gone away. I can’t imagine how it would feel had she passed from something I had given to her.

Cara will likely always carry a heavy burden of guilt over infecting her mother - and it will fundamentally change her life. It’s wrong and more than any child should ever have to bear.

Please think about all the other Cara’s in the world. All the children who’ve been orphaned by Covid. Who carry guilt and grief over having infected their parents or vulnerable family members.

We CAN stop this cycle. We know HOW to mitigate and reduce spread. If you don’t want to do it for yourself - then do it for Cara. Do it for all the children. Do it for future generations and all the vulnerable people who you may never meet - but who need their communities to protect them.

Have you been bullied for taking Covid precautions? Do you have a child who’s experiencing bullying at school or dealing with chronic illness? Please share in the comments so we can support one another and find ways to make schools and public spaces safer for children AND their parents.