You’ve Been Sick for Years…. Just Die Already.

An exploration of rampant ableism and how the pandemic changed how disabled people are treated.

“You’ve been sick for yrs - just die already or get back to real life.” I can’t believe someone said these words. I knew the pandemic had ripped masks off many & revealed their ableism/lack of compassion - but I was not prepared for this amount of hate. How did we get here?

Many disabled people always knew that those around them were ableist, judgemental or not capable of understanding their circumstances. But something strange has happened since Covid. Even those people who were tolerant & feigned compassion have decided we are worthless.

I don’t fully understand why - but it seems like the rampant othering that has developed throughout the pandemic has given people permission to discard anyone they see as vulnerable or less than.

They blame us for lockdowns & mandates and resent us for reminding them that the pandemic isn’t over. They dislike us for shining light on the fact that they are taking very real risks with their lives and their health (and risking ours in the process).

They seem to resent our desire to be able to exist safely in society, to want safe and timely access to healthcare and our need to be treated equally. I’ve lost count of how many relationships I’ve lost in the last 4 years and yet each time it hurts more.

In this particular case it was a close family friend who said this to me. The conversation continued & I realized they believe if you’re sick enough to be housebound then you die quickly. If you don’t you’re faking or not “trying hard enough” to get back to perceived “normal”.

There are so many problems with this line of thought - the biggest one being that it shows how closed minded people are to the fact that many disabilities are severe, life altering, permanent and yet not necessarily terminal.

These conditions may not drastically alter your lifespan - but they will 100% rob you of your quality of life. The medical profession is woefully inequipped to manage these conditions and as a result people suffer - often alone and without support - for years.

To insinuate that’s a personal failing or that we are better off dead if we can’t return to an ableist version of normal is offensive and cruel. Especially considering how hard many of us work to carve out a bit of joy within our often painful daily lives

I am obviously not going to be speaking to this “friend” anymore but it’s been days since the comment was made and I’ve been unable to shake the fear of how many other people in the world think the same way and are just not quite bold enough to say it.

Considering how few people are willing to take Covid - a mass disabling event - seriously… I’m going to guess it’s a large number. And that thought has kept me up at night. A society functions best when it works together and considers the needs of the vulnerable.

We are all fragile in one way or another. We will all become disabled and die at some point in our lives. For some it happens much earlier than others and those people are often the ones advocating for a safer more inclusive world.

Comments like these won’t make me stop advocating for masks, clean air and disability rights. But they do take a toll. It’s incredibly difficult to realize people who’ve known you most of your life don’t care if you live or die.

Advocates certainly have their work cut out for them - if we can’t convince people meant to love us to care - convincing strangers will be even harder. But I believe it can be done.

We need to stick together, amplify supportive messages & causes and not shrink away in the face of overwhelming ableism and hated.

Above all else we need to keep reminding people that we all share the air - so everyone has a responsibility to protect their fellow human being. “Personal responsibility” is never going to work and more people will die or be left disabled.

Clean air benchmarks are likely going to be the best way forward as they require the least amount of individual effort. Until then masks are the best & first line of defence. Wear them, distribute them & push for free masks for the less fortunate.

We can succeed or fail together - and I genuinely believe we will succeed. I look forward to a kinder and more compassionate world that will view people like me as valid and worthy regardless of whatever challenges we are facing.

Lastly - whatever your stance on Covid - don’t ever tell a chronically ill person they should die because they’ve been sick too long. We are aware of how long we’ve been sick. If you can’t accept the reality of severe chronic illness that’s on you. Don’t put it on us.