We are more than our wombs and more than our ability to bear children. Yet our health and lives often come second to hypothetical men and babies. We need reproductive freedom now.
It is simply outrageous that people with a womb are deemed Second or even Third Class citizens! Even now, as a post menopausal person, I am asked when my last mensus was by medical personnel. I now tell them "At seventy years old, it's no longer a question worth asking." I'm so sorry the author went through these debilitating trials and glad she survived and thrived!
I had my tubes removed back in 2010, plus I’m 52 years old, and I have been 4B since 2018.
Yet every single time that I go to the emergency room with a migraine that makes me vomit they do a pregnancy test.
It should be considered insurance fraud to charge Medicare for a pregnancy test when I haven’t even had sex in seven years, and even if I did I don’t have fallopian tubes.
I hate that question so very much. I get that some people may not realize they're pregnant. But for a lot of us we KNOW. We aren't having sex, we don't have the organs, we're already in menopause etc.
I feel like I'm going to be enduring pregnancy tests until the day I die.
I have always had hormonal migraines, but now in peri they come with aura, so they won’t give me any MHT (except vaginal estrogen which is like magic) because I guess the aura makes me a stroke risk.
It does! Thank you so much for telling me that. They were really bad when I was younger and then I got a nice long break from my late 20s until I was 39. Now I understand why people call peri “cougar puberty”. It really feels like a 2nd puberty and I hate it.
As you mentioned, the other end of the rage spectrum is forced sterilization—indigenous people and other people of color, and also institutionalized whites, at least in the US. It’s notable that forced castration of men (other than as a part of lynching) is very rare, regardless of their ethnicity or social status. Eugenics with a side of insanity.
Such an excellent point. I’m painfully aware that they probably put up more of a fuss with me because I was white and “middle class” as opposed to a person of colour, visibly disabled or living in poverty.
Either way we lack autonomy, it’s just what they choose to do with our wombs that changes. Which is infuriating and should never be the case.
During the testimony in front of committee for the bill I posted about above I learned that men go through this too.
There was a man who had testicular cancer, and they removed the one with cancer. He asked them to take both. They refused and the cancer came back in the other one so he had to go through a second surgery.
I am too. I would have thought that it would be easier for a man to get the surgery than a woman. Although are there health detriments to removing both testicles? There are significant health downsides to removing both ovaries so many doctors will hesitate to do that, but I don't think they should hesitate with the uterus or tubes.
I don’t want to get too off-topic or anything, but that same committee heard a bill that would make it so Medicaid doesn’t cover circumcision outside of medical or religious purposes. There were a couple doctors on committee and I was shocked to hear them say that could easily find a way to justify circumcision for all if this bill passed. Where is that energy for treatment for women and medical conditions? It was so bizarre.
Similar and related, at 43 I have chronic pain from severe scoliosis, had my first fusion surgery at 13, had severe enough pain that OTC meds weren't touching it since about 22, and I have still had to fight constantly to get doctors, even female doctors, to recognise the extent and constancy of my pain.
It's another widespread effect of medical misogyny - women simply aren't believed about the amount of pain they're in, unless it's somehow visible, or they are literally curled up screaming, and even then many doctors will dismiss it as women overreacting, that they just have a low pain threshold, etc. Anything to avoid actually treating them.
I have also been wanting a hysterectomy since my 20s, due to heavy irregular periods and gender dysphoria (I'm nonbnry), combined with I will absolutely never pass on my clusterfuck set of genes, but also my body couldn't physically handle a pregnancy, AND I haven't had sex at all for about 12 years - never mind the 18 it's been since I experimented with men in my very early 20s. It's just not _possible_ for me to be or become pregnant, yet I still have to go thru the rigmarole of tests and questions, and they still won't agree to a hysterectomy.
Like y'all, I'm severely disabled due to a _range_ of health problems, you DO NOT WANT me passing on all this bs, okay? Just because I 'look fine' (which makes me question your eyesight) does not mean I don't have multiple, permanent, debilitating physical and mental health issues. I haven't been able to work, at all, since I was 27, I am not a productive member of society in any way (partly because autism+adhd, anxiety etc, but mostly because unrelenting PAIN even with meds, and the depression & mood swings it causes).
When I say my avg pain level, all day every day+night is 6-7, getting down to 5 is a REALLY GOOD day, and I can't remember the last time I was down to the dreamlike idea of 4 (sometime in my mid-20s), I MEAN IT. I'm not confused about what the numbers represent, or exaggerating for some reason I can't imagine. I am literally in that much pain EVERY DAY of my life, & my sleep schedule is that I don't have one bc I can only sleep a few hours at a time, & try to snatch it when pain is lowest. Why would you ever want to doom a child to suffer like this? Ugh.
People won't like this as a "solution" but it's time for women to start saying no to sex with males. It's life threatening. When you can't make any kind of choice for yourself once the sex is had, then the sex isn't worth having. You're literally rolling the dice with your very life getting anywhere near fertile semen. Males should also likely be investing in vasectomies if they want to continue to have sex. This is one way to protect women. The government is making all your choices for you, so you at least still have for the moment, the choice to have intercourse or not (not talking about rape/forced/coerced sex here, talking about instances where a woman CAN choose whether or not to have sex). It may not be a choice in our futures, actually. We're going there pretty rapidly.
I actually think that might be one of the only ways to get men to pay attention and get in the fight. Too many of them don’t see this as a “major issue” because it doesn’t impact them the same way.
If we stopped giving them sex, I bet that would change in a hurry.
I think it’s a perfect solution. I have been 4B since before I knew it was a thing.
And men cry about it & call it a hate group. They feel so entitled to women’s bodies that when we opt out of being available for them to “shoot their shot” at us they call it misandry.
I had several on-line conversations with men regarding vasectomies and men taking personal responsibility for not impregnating women. I was repeatedly told that young men and men without children were being refused vasectomies, just in case! So this refusal to allow adults making decisions for themselves is not necessarily exclusive to women. I do agree it's a bigger problem for women though, and misogyny in the medical profession is widespread.
Im sorry you were forced to go through all of that. Im so angry about the misogyny and crap treatment of women. We have fewer rights now than when I was growing up in the 70s.
Thank you Paula. I fear for my nieces and all the young women who come after me.
One of the reasons I fight so hard for autonomy is because I’m grateful to no longer have my uterus so I don’t have to fear the draconian changes happening post Roe.
I fight for all the women who are in danger, because they need us now more than ever!
Yep..tried for years for hysterectomy. "But you might want a baby". Not with my health and the crazy that runs in the family. Even in my 50s it was a no. Finally when I got endometrial cancer, it rapidly became a yes.
Thank you. I have had various serious ailments throughout my life. The cancer started 11 yrs ago. Had 3 bought with it. At this point in am again in remission and on immunotherapy. So hanging in.
I had my tubes removed when I was 37, I suffer from endometriosis and they wouldn’t discuss a hysterectomy with me until I was 50. At this point I’m just going to let nature take its course because I honestly don’t trust them to not make it worse with Surgical error. After all the gaslighting I’ve had to put up with from them there’s no way I would get help from them if they made a mistake and made it worse.
But at least they give me good meds now finally. That only happened because I kept going to the hospital with days of vomiting and Medicare had to pay $25,000 each time. So now they figured that a couple dollars worth of Dilaudid every month is better than a $25,000 hospital bills.
I'm glad you're finally getting proper pain relief but I'm sorry you were never able to get the surgery that made the most sense for you! I'm waiting for menopause too, it's really hard to tell once you no longer have a uterus!
Yes! I was asking about hysterectomy in my 20s. At that point they wouldn’t even give me a diagnosis and assured me I was “exaggerating.” I would gush around tampons and over pads and stain my clothes constantly. They told me they wouldn’t even consider it on a woman with no children until after she was thirty. Then I had a son and they still assured me I didn’t want one. Then I was diagnosed with adenomyosis after a surprise, unmedicated biopsy (the doctor literally remarked after it was over, “wow. Usually my other patients have passed out after I do that”) and that doctor suggested an ablation (without anesthetic because I was uninsured). It was another three years or so after the adenomyosis diagnosis until I finally got a hysterectomy. I was over 40 until it was no longer a requirement, and they still asked me if I was sure I didn’t want anymore kids. 🤦♀️
Ugh it’s so frustrating and unnecessary. It also assumes that biological children are the be all and end all which I think is really unfair.
There’s no reason someone couldn’t adopt or pursue surrogacy should they change their mind.
My ferritin stores were zero. That’s basically unheard of. There’s no way my body could have sustained a pregnancy even if I were able to get pregnant (which I highly doubt I was)
Yet that hypothetical future man and babies still came first
There are some ways in which I am lucky, and I'm trying to hold on to them. I wasn't diagnosed with endometriosis for a really really long time but that does mean that by the time I was it was an urgent matter and surgery was scheduled right away.
It's also odd, because usually this is not a privilege in any way, but being a lesbian I think changed how my doctor thought about it in terms of sterilization because there's still another healthy womb in our marriage. It absolutely shouldn't matter but I think in this case it did help me.
That sadly wouldn't surprise me at all. They are super fixated on reproduction and healthy wombs and as a lesbian couple you would need medical assistance to procreate anyways, so your partner's healthy womb possibly did play a role. Big sigh.
This is coming to my inbox at a very opportune time - I am having my right ovary and fallopian tubes taken out tomorrow due to Endometriosis, which wasn't diagnosed until I was 29, after 18 years of suffering and being told "we don't know what's wrong with you", after "you're making it up", and then chasing endless avenues of other specialists before I could be heard about my gyno pain. I'm very anxious about surgery tomorrow due to the years of medical trauma. I'm lucky to be in Maine, where I can get the procedure covered bc it's medically necessary. I still had to sign a form 30 days in advance saying I knew I was giving up being able to have kids, which infuriated me. That doesn't mean I'm not mourning.
Good luck with your surgery Meg! I'm sorry it took you so long to get the care that you need, and I completely understand being in mourning despite knowing you weren't going to have kids.
It was the same for me, it's a very complex issue with big emotions and I hope you have a lot of support around you afterwards.
I am in New Hampshire and I struggled to get sterilized from the time I was an adult until I was 37 years old, and I had to go to Maine to do it as well.
Thank you so much! I'm sorry it took you so long to find care, I used to live in New Hampshire and moved to Maine and it has really helped me medically, especially since I deal with other disabilities that Mainecare covers.
I was finally granted my emergency hysterectomy in 2022 at age 46. I had a very large fibroid tumor 9cm that made my uterus grow to 268cm when the average size of the uterus is 50cm. My internal organs were being crushed. I also didn’t ever plan on birthing children but dealt with the medical misogyny that didn’t prioritize a woman’s life for a hypothetical possibility of ever giving birth in the future. I agree the hysterectomy was the best thing to happen to me. The decades of forced waiting till age 46 until it became life and death should never take that long for any woman. I am with 100 percent in solidarity🫂❤️🩹. They also put me on the maternity ward.
Hey Tania! I'm so sorry you went through that. My uterus was also huge when it was finally removed. There was damage to my bladder and I ended up on a catheter for awhile. It's so frustrating they let it get to that point when we want the surgery sooner.
I'm also sorry you were on the maternity ward. I'm so sad to know I'm not alone in that experience.
If these white christofascists could find out if their baby was lgbtqia+ before birth, abortions would be as easy as getting a big mac in the drive thru. Ditto if men could get pregnant.
My husband did get a bit of the 3rd degree when he got the big v. Nowhere NEAR what you endured. But questions like, what if both of our kids died? (WTAF).
I am not as concerned for myself now that I am 55. But I have a daughter and a niece. I am terrified for them.
I have a friend with PCOS, she’s married and her husband has a vasectomy. They are both Childfree by choice.
And when she was refused a hysterectomy they told her she might regret it if anything ever happened to her husband and she got a new one who wanted babies.
Because apparently her desire to be Childfree doesn’t matter, only some future hypothetical man that she would only meet if her husband died matters. Because of course if she lost the man she loves she would need to replace him because we are nothing without a man. 🤢
I am sorry that your suffering was served with a side of sexist discrimination . Even some female medical providers perpetuate societal , systemic oppression .
I have endometriosis and I’ll never forget the female provider at Planned Parenthood in the 90s telling me that menstrual cramps don’t actually hurt, it’s just that we believe it’s dirty and that that’s why we think we feel pain.
I didn’t mean to but I laughed in her face. I was raised by a hippie I never thought it was dirty. Plus when I am woken up at 4 AM to run to the toilet to throw up from the pain how would I know my period started while I’m sleeping?
Back then I don’t even think we had the continuous birth control pill option. Before they started making those pill packs without the blanks in them if we wanted to take them for three months at a time we would have to figure out how to pay for the extra pack because insurance wouldn’t pay for the extra pills.
After reading Unwell Women I’ve learned that our medical system has always been this way. In that, it prioritised women’s reproduction above all else.
Women were gaslighted into having a baby by being told it would cure them.
None of the systems - including medical - were set up with the need of our body in mind.
I’ve also learned that the medical system is there to treat disease and save lives. (That’s it - it’s not there to create health.) All under a mysonginistic, racist and dis-ordered pretence.
We are told that it’s us that is disordered, but it’s not - it’s the system.
I’m so glad you’re here, sharing your story and unearthing what has always it s been the case but has never been brought out of the shadows. Until now.
Thank you for reading and reminding me about the 'a baby will cure you' nonsense. Quite a few doctors told me to get pregnant as that would 'fix' the issues. none of them seemed to care that I had absolutely no desire to have a child or that should it not 'fix' the issue there would be two lives harmed instead of one.
I'm so glad for this wonderful community of people dedicated to unearthing the truths about the medical system, and finding ways to move forward together in a healthier way.
Thanks for sharing such personal stories and for speaking out. It's just wild watching our American friends roll back decades of progress in so many areas to fund wars and prisons and billionaires. Keep spreading the positivity and hope.
It is indeed. I'm just reading about the $500 million RFK Jr has cut from mRNA vaccine research. We were on the cusp of a cure for HIV and some cancers, wiped out in the blink of an eye.
I don't think it's safe to get pregnant in the United States (United. Yeah right.) either. I'm a guy but if I were a woman I wouldn't do it. Too risky. Not to mention how unsafe and crazy and fascist things are. I think women should go on strike. No babies. Maybe no sex if that's not too far. Women have every right to refuse and imagine how crazy Maga would get.
I agree. I wouldn't risk it either. I know a lot of people think it's ok in blue states but nine months is an eternity under this regime and things can change quick.
An article I found through abortion every day about new Hampshire’s new law requiring doctors to sterilize patients who ask for it, which is one tiny step in the right direction but it gave me some hope today.
And yet if you’re over 50 they won’t try to save your uterus in treating fibroids, even though taking out the uterus puts you at risk of pelvic organ prolapse (speaking from personal experience here).
Yeah it's really frustrating. If you're still reproductive age they won't let you have it removed, if you're no longer fertile they'll take it out without a second thought.
It is simply outrageous that people with a womb are deemed Second or even Third Class citizens! Even now, as a post menopausal person, I am asked when my last mensus was by medical personnel. I now tell them "At seventy years old, it's no longer a question worth asking." I'm so sorry the author went through these debilitating trials and glad she survived and thrived!
I’m asked ALL the time. When I say I’ve had a hysterectomy I get asked “are you sure?” And they run the pregnancy test anyways. It’s infuriating.
I had my tubes removed back in 2010, plus I’m 52 years old, and I have been 4B since 2018.
Yet every single time that I go to the emergency room with a migraine that makes me vomit they do a pregnancy test.
It should be considered insurance fraud to charge Medicare for a pregnancy test when I haven’t even had sex in seven years, and even if I did I don’t have fallopian tubes.
I had a mammogram tech ask me if I was SURE I was in menopause. Yes, you ghoul. I am absolutely certain.
I hate that question so very much. I get that some people may not realize they're pregnant. But for a lot of us we KNOW. We aren't having sex, we don't have the organs, we're already in menopause etc.
I feel like I'm going to be enduring pregnancy tests until the day I die.
Once you’re old enough, they do stop asking. For me, it was about when I turned 55.
I just had a mammogram and she acted apologetic that she had to ask when my last period started. I am 52 & unfortunately I still get them regularly.
Every time they act surprised I’m like yup why isn’t it over yet!?!
I had a procedure that stopped mine at 49 (I was bleeding excessively to the point I was anemic) and threw me into early menopause. Not fun. At all.
I am going through peri now and it’s awful lol
I have always had hormonal migraines, but now in peri they come with aura, so they won’t give me any MHT (except vaginal estrogen which is like magic) because I guess the aura makes me a stroke risk.
Same. If it gives you any hope, my migraines diminished significantly post menopause.
It does! Thank you so much for telling me that. They were really bad when I was younger and then I got a nice long break from my late 20s until I was 39. Now I understand why people call peri “cougar puberty”. It really feels like a 2nd puberty and I hate it.
I was 56.😤
I’m glad you survived.
As you mentioned, the other end of the rage spectrum is forced sterilization—indigenous people and other people of color, and also institutionalized whites, at least in the US. It’s notable that forced castration of men (other than as a part of lynching) is very rare, regardless of their ethnicity or social status. Eugenics with a side of insanity.
Such an excellent point. I’m painfully aware that they probably put up more of a fuss with me because I was white and “middle class” as opposed to a person of colour, visibly disabled or living in poverty.
Either way we lack autonomy, it’s just what they choose to do with our wombs that changes. Which is infuriating and should never be the case.
During the testimony in front of committee for the bill I posted about above I learned that men go through this too.
There was a man who had testicular cancer, and they removed the one with cancer. He asked them to take both. They refused and the cancer came back in the other one so he had to go through a second surgery.
I’m honestly shocked.
I am too. I would have thought that it would be easier for a man to get the surgery than a woman. Although are there health detriments to removing both testicles? There are significant health downsides to removing both ovaries so many doctors will hesitate to do that, but I don't think they should hesitate with the uterus or tubes.
I don’t want to get too off-topic or anything, but that same committee heard a bill that would make it so Medicaid doesn’t cover circumcision outside of medical or religious purposes. There were a couple doctors on committee and I was shocked to hear them say that could easily find a way to justify circumcision for all if this bill passed. Where is that energy for treatment for women and medical conditions? It was so bizarre.
Similar and related, at 43 I have chronic pain from severe scoliosis, had my first fusion surgery at 13, had severe enough pain that OTC meds weren't touching it since about 22, and I have still had to fight constantly to get doctors, even female doctors, to recognise the extent and constancy of my pain.
It's another widespread effect of medical misogyny - women simply aren't believed about the amount of pain they're in, unless it's somehow visible, or they are literally curled up screaming, and even then many doctors will dismiss it as women overreacting, that they just have a low pain threshold, etc. Anything to avoid actually treating them.
I have also been wanting a hysterectomy since my 20s, due to heavy irregular periods and gender dysphoria (I'm nonbnry), combined with I will absolutely never pass on my clusterfuck set of genes, but also my body couldn't physically handle a pregnancy, AND I haven't had sex at all for about 12 years - never mind the 18 it's been since I experimented with men in my very early 20s. It's just not _possible_ for me to be or become pregnant, yet I still have to go thru the rigmarole of tests and questions, and they still won't agree to a hysterectomy.
Like y'all, I'm severely disabled due to a _range_ of health problems, you DO NOT WANT me passing on all this bs, okay? Just because I 'look fine' (which makes me question your eyesight) does not mean I don't have multiple, permanent, debilitating physical and mental health issues. I haven't been able to work, at all, since I was 27, I am not a productive member of society in any way (partly because autism+adhd, anxiety etc, but mostly because unrelenting PAIN even with meds, and the depression & mood swings it causes).
When I say my avg pain level, all day every day+night is 6-7, getting down to 5 is a REALLY GOOD day, and I can't remember the last time I was down to the dreamlike idea of 4 (sometime in my mid-20s), I MEAN IT. I'm not confused about what the numbers represent, or exaggerating for some reason I can't imagine. I am literally in that much pain EVERY DAY of my life, & my sleep schedule is that I don't have one bc I can only sleep a few hours at a time, & try to snatch it when pain is lowest. Why would you ever want to doom a child to suffer like this? Ugh.
People won't like this as a "solution" but it's time for women to start saying no to sex with males. It's life threatening. When you can't make any kind of choice for yourself once the sex is had, then the sex isn't worth having. You're literally rolling the dice with your very life getting anywhere near fertile semen. Males should also likely be investing in vasectomies if they want to continue to have sex. This is one way to protect women. The government is making all your choices for you, so you at least still have for the moment, the choice to have intercourse or not (not talking about rape/forced/coerced sex here, talking about instances where a woman CAN choose whether or not to have sex). It may not be a choice in our futures, actually. We're going there pretty rapidly.
I actually think that might be one of the only ways to get men to pay attention and get in the fight. Too many of them don’t see this as a “major issue” because it doesn’t impact them the same way.
If we stopped giving them sex, I bet that would change in a hurry.
I think it’s a perfect solution. I have been 4B since before I knew it was a thing.
And men cry about it & call it a hate group. They feel so entitled to women’s bodies that when we opt out of being available for them to “shoot their shot” at us they call it misandry.
I had several on-line conversations with men regarding vasectomies and men taking personal responsibility for not impregnating women. I was repeatedly told that young men and men without children were being refused vasectomies, just in case! So this refusal to allow adults making decisions for themselves is not necessarily exclusive to women. I do agree it's a bigger problem for women though, and misogyny in the medical profession is widespread.
Im sorry you were forced to go through all of that. Im so angry about the misogyny and crap treatment of women. We have fewer rights now than when I was growing up in the 70s.
Thank you Paula. I fear for my nieces and all the young women who come after me.
One of the reasons I fight so hard for autonomy is because I’m grateful to no longer have my uterus so I don’t have to fear the draconian changes happening post Roe.
I fight for all the women who are in danger, because they need us now more than ever!
Yes! We fought for our rights and 50 years later we have to do it again! It’s disgusting👹
Yep..tried for years for hysterectomy. "But you might want a baby". Not with my health and the crazy that runs in the family. Even in my 50s it was a no. Finally when I got endometrial cancer, it rapidly became a yes.
Sucks being a second class human.
I’m so sorry it took so long (and cancer) for you to get the care you needed and deserved.
How are you doing now?
Thank you. I have had various serious ailments throughout my life. The cancer started 11 yrs ago. Had 3 bought with it. At this point in am again in remission and on immunotherapy. So hanging in.
I'm glad to hear you're in remission and I hope it stays that way!
I had my tubes removed when I was 37, I suffer from endometriosis and they wouldn’t discuss a hysterectomy with me until I was 50. At this point I’m just going to let nature take its course because I honestly don’t trust them to not make it worse with Surgical error. After all the gaslighting I’ve had to put up with from them there’s no way I would get help from them if they made a mistake and made it worse.
But at least they give me good meds now finally. That only happened because I kept going to the hospital with days of vomiting and Medicare had to pay $25,000 each time. So now they figured that a couple dollars worth of Dilaudid every month is better than a $25,000 hospital bills.
I'm glad you're finally getting proper pain relief but I'm sorry you were never able to get the surgery that made the most sense for you! I'm waiting for menopause too, it's really hard to tell once you no longer have a uterus!
Yes! I was asking about hysterectomy in my 20s. At that point they wouldn’t even give me a diagnosis and assured me I was “exaggerating.” I would gush around tampons and over pads and stain my clothes constantly. They told me they wouldn’t even consider it on a woman with no children until after she was thirty. Then I had a son and they still assured me I didn’t want one. Then I was diagnosed with adenomyosis after a surprise, unmedicated biopsy (the doctor literally remarked after it was over, “wow. Usually my other patients have passed out after I do that”) and that doctor suggested an ablation (without anesthetic because I was uninsured). It was another three years or so after the adenomyosis diagnosis until I finally got a hysterectomy. I was over 40 until it was no longer a requirement, and they still asked me if I was sure I didn’t want anymore kids. 🤦♀️
Ugh it’s so frustrating and unnecessary. It also assumes that biological children are the be all and end all which I think is really unfair.
There’s no reason someone couldn’t adopt or pursue surrogacy should they change their mind.
My ferritin stores were zero. That’s basically unheard of. There’s no way my body could have sustained a pregnancy even if I were able to get pregnant (which I highly doubt I was)
Yet that hypothetical future man and babies still came first
There are some ways in which I am lucky, and I'm trying to hold on to them. I wasn't diagnosed with endometriosis for a really really long time but that does mean that by the time I was it was an urgent matter and surgery was scheduled right away.
It's also odd, because usually this is not a privilege in any way, but being a lesbian I think changed how my doctor thought about it in terms of sterilization because there's still another healthy womb in our marriage. It absolutely shouldn't matter but I think in this case it did help me.
That sadly wouldn't surprise me at all. They are super fixated on reproduction and healthy wombs and as a lesbian couple you would need medical assistance to procreate anyways, so your partner's healthy womb possibly did play a role. Big sigh.
This is coming to my inbox at a very opportune time - I am having my right ovary and fallopian tubes taken out tomorrow due to Endometriosis, which wasn't diagnosed until I was 29, after 18 years of suffering and being told "we don't know what's wrong with you", after "you're making it up", and then chasing endless avenues of other specialists before I could be heard about my gyno pain. I'm very anxious about surgery tomorrow due to the years of medical trauma. I'm lucky to be in Maine, where I can get the procedure covered bc it's medically necessary. I still had to sign a form 30 days in advance saying I knew I was giving up being able to have kids, which infuriated me. That doesn't mean I'm not mourning.
Good luck with your surgery Meg! I'm sorry it took you so long to get the care that you need, and I completely understand being in mourning despite knowing you weren't going to have kids.
It was the same for me, it's a very complex issue with big emotions and I hope you have a lot of support around you afterwards.
If I can help in any way feel free to reach out!
Thank you so much, I appreciate it more than I can say!
Good luck with surgery tomorrow!
I am in New Hampshire and I struggled to get sterilized from the time I was an adult until I was 37 years old, and I had to go to Maine to do it as well.
Dr. Kathleen Morris took great care of me.
Thank you so much! I'm sorry it took you so long to find care, I used to live in New Hampshire and moved to Maine and it has really helped me medically, especially since I deal with other disabilities that Mainecare covers.
I was finally granted my emergency hysterectomy in 2022 at age 46. I had a very large fibroid tumor 9cm that made my uterus grow to 268cm when the average size of the uterus is 50cm. My internal organs were being crushed. I also didn’t ever plan on birthing children but dealt with the medical misogyny that didn’t prioritize a woman’s life for a hypothetical possibility of ever giving birth in the future. I agree the hysterectomy was the best thing to happen to me. The decades of forced waiting till age 46 until it became life and death should never take that long for any woman. I am with 100 percent in solidarity🫂❤️🩹. They also put me on the maternity ward.
Hey Tania! I'm so sorry you went through that. My uterus was also huge when it was finally removed. There was damage to my bladder and I ended up on a catheter for awhile. It's so frustrating they let it get to that point when we want the surgery sooner.
I'm also sorry you were on the maternity ward. I'm so sad to know I'm not alone in that experience.
If these white christofascists could find out if their baby was lgbtqia+ before birth, abortions would be as easy as getting a big mac in the drive thru. Ditto if men could get pregnant.
My husband did get a bit of the 3rd degree when he got the big v. Nowhere NEAR what you endured. But questions like, what if both of our kids died? (WTAF).
I am not as concerned for myself now that I am 55. But I have a daughter and a niece. I am terrified for them.
I've heard from so many people that they've been asked 'what if your kids die?'
It's such an inappropriate question! As if you're just going to 'replace' your children. Ugh.
I have a friend with PCOS, she’s married and her husband has a vasectomy. They are both Childfree by choice.
And when she was refused a hysterectomy they told her she might regret it if anything ever happened to her husband and she got a new one who wanted babies.
Because apparently her desire to be Childfree doesn’t matter, only some future hypothetical man that she would only meet if her husband died matters. Because of course if she lost the man she loves she would need to replace him because we are nothing without a man. 🤢
Yep, that hypothetical future man is always more important than us. Even if we're already with a man who doesn't want kids AND we don't want kids.
I am sorry that your suffering was served with a side of sexist discrimination . Even some female medical providers perpetuate societal , systemic oppression .
I have endometriosis and I’ll never forget the female provider at Planned Parenthood in the 90s telling me that menstrual cramps don’t actually hurt, it’s just that we believe it’s dirty and that that’s why we think we feel pain.
I didn’t mean to but I laughed in her face. I was raised by a hippie I never thought it was dirty. Plus when I am woken up at 4 AM to run to the toilet to throw up from the pain how would I know my period started while I’m sleeping?
Back then I don’t even think we had the continuous birth control pill option. Before they started making those pill packs without the blanks in them if we wanted to take them for three months at a time we would have to figure out how to pay for the extra pack because insurance wouldn’t pay for the extra pills.
Yep, I would say it was an equal split between male and female surgeons. They all said no.
THANK YOU for sharing your story.
After reading Unwell Women I’ve learned that our medical system has always been this way. In that, it prioritised women’s reproduction above all else.
Women were gaslighted into having a baby by being told it would cure them.
None of the systems - including medical - were set up with the need of our body in mind.
I’ve also learned that the medical system is there to treat disease and save lives. (That’s it - it’s not there to create health.) All under a mysonginistic, racist and dis-ordered pretence.
We are told that it’s us that is disordered, but it’s not - it’s the system.
I’m so glad you’re here, sharing your story and unearthing what has always it s been the case but has never been brought out of the shadows. Until now.
Thank you for reading and reminding me about the 'a baby will cure you' nonsense. Quite a few doctors told me to get pregnant as that would 'fix' the issues. none of them seemed to care that I had absolutely no desire to have a child or that should it not 'fix' the issue there would be two lives harmed instead of one.
I'm so glad for this wonderful community of people dedicated to unearthing the truths about the medical system, and finding ways to move forward together in a healthier way.
Thanks for sharing such personal stories and for speaking out. It's just wild watching our American friends roll back decades of progress in so many areas to fund wars and prisons and billionaires. Keep spreading the positivity and hope.
It is indeed. I'm just reading about the $500 million RFK Jr has cut from mRNA vaccine research. We were on the cusp of a cure for HIV and some cancers, wiped out in the blink of an eye.
You have been through a lot and have proven you are if nothing else, a real survivor and advocate - - as always, Bob
Thank you Bob! I consider it a privilege to be here and be able to tell my story and hopefully help someone else.
I don't think it's safe to get pregnant in the United States (United. Yeah right.) either. I'm a guy but if I were a woman I wouldn't do it. Too risky. Not to mention how unsafe and crazy and fascist things are. I think women should go on strike. No babies. Maybe no sex if that's not too far. Women have every right to refuse and imagine how crazy Maga would get.
I agree. I wouldn't risk it either. I know a lot of people think it's ok in blue states but nine months is an eternity under this regime and things can change quick.
It's scary. I really like your posts. Important subjects and well written. Be safe.
https://alabamareflector.com/2025/08/01/new-hampshire-is-first-state-to-require-doctors-to-sterilize-patients-who-request-it/?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email
An article I found through abortion every day about new Hampshire’s new law requiring doctors to sterilize patients who ask for it, which is one tiny step in the right direction but it gave me some hope today.
Yes that's great! Maggie wrote about New Hampshire in the comments as well, I hope we see more states follow suit!
And yet if you’re over 50 they won’t try to save your uterus in treating fibroids, even though taking out the uterus puts you at risk of pelvic organ prolapse (speaking from personal experience here).
Yeah it's really frustrating. If you're still reproductive age they won't let you have it removed, if you're no longer fertile they'll take it out without a second thought.