What My Hysterectomy Taught Me About Bodily Autonomy and Misogyny

We are more than our wombs and more than our ability to bear children. Yet our health and lives often come second to hypothetical men and babies. We need reproductive freedom now.

When I was 13 I got my first period. I remember my Mom gave me a book all about periods and I was horrified to discover it wasn’t about punctuation.

That’s how little I knew about the reproductive system at the time, but boy did I learn in a hurry.

My periods were nothing like what was described in the book. They weren’t magical. I didn’t feel like I was ‘becoming a woman’. They weren’t easy, regular or ‘no big deal’.

They were a horror show. The bleeding was so heavy I frequently bled right through pads and stained my pants.

The pain so severe it felt like someone had lit a fire inside my belly and then constantly stuck me with knives.

There were days I couldn’t get off the floor due to the pain and fatigue. This was not the ‘period’ I was promised or the experience my friends were having.

I suffered like this for years while being assured by doctors it was ‘normal’ and told that I must have a low threshold for pain.

When I was 19 I was finally diagnosed with stage four endometriosis and adenomyosis, two conditions which can leave you with debilitating periods, blood loss, anemia and more.

I didn’t want children. I had never wanted children. I knew deep in my bones that motherhood wasn’t for me, so I asked for a hysterectomy. I didn’t want to suffer anymore.

That’s when I first began to learn about medical misogyny.

I was told ‘No’. Not because of the risks of surgery or the fact that it might not cure the endometriosis, but because I ‘might want kids’. I might ‘meet a man who wants kids’. I might not feel adoption was ‘good enough’.

I told my doctors that hypothetical future children weren’t worth this amount of suffering. My uterus was ruining my life. It was diseased, causing me severe pain and disabling me.

Even if I did want kids, my uterus had completely disabled me. There was absolutely no way I could care for them. With a hysterectomy, I could pursue other avenues like adoption, surrogacy or dating a man who already had children.

There were options that didn’t require me to keep a diseased organ inside my body.

Unfortunately none of those options were deemed ‘acceptable’ to the medical profession. They decided, without ever consulting me, that my destiny had to include biological children.

That if I had my uterus removed I would regret it and feel like less of a ‘woman’. They stripped me of my autonomy and my health without a second thought.

This Is Medical Misogyny

Had I been a man, they would have given me the surgery the first time I asked. Men aren’t forced to keep organs they don’t want. They aren’t forced to make decisions based on what their future hypothetical wife or child might want. They don’t need their wives permission to have reproductive surgery. They aren’t told from an early age that fatherhood is the be all and end all.

It’s only women who are treated that way.

A hysterectomy would have drastically improved my quality of life. Instead I was forced to undergo six painful abdominal surgeries to try and control the spread of the disease.

I was left disabled and bedridden, yet the medical system continued to try and save my diseased uterus against my will.

There was no medical reason to keep it. You don’t need your uterus to survive, it’s only function is to be a womb. If you keep your ovaries you won’t even go into early menopause. Yet they made it clear that saving my womb was more important than my life.

In between surgeries I had to undergo iron infusions which are painful and caused extensive bruising and staining of my skin. When those failed to keep my hemoglobin stable, I had to endure blood transfusions.

Transfusions are not a benign medical intervention. They carry risk of transfusion reaction and risk of disease. They require large amounts of blood when we often have shortages. Yet I had to have them repeatedly because my ferritin was zero. I had absolutely no iron stores, and they still wouldn’t remove my uterus.

I was told that a hysterectomy wouldn’t be considered until I had tried every medication available to control the spread of the disease. I didn’t want to take any of them, but I was given no choice.

It was ‘take these increasingly strong hormone medications or we won’t operate’.

It started with continuous birth control pills designed to prevent me from having a period. They forced my body into a ‘pseudo pregnancy state’ for a year at a time.

When that didn’t work, I was given drugs to put me into chemical menopause at the tender age of 22. These drugs impact your bone density, your heart health and can have devastating effects on your sex life and mental health.

I was miserable and becoming more disabled, and still my womb came first. Drastic (and expensive) measures continued to be taken to save an organ I didn’t want and could survive without.

This went on for years. I sought second opinions and third opinions and fourth opinions. I consulted with male and female doctors. I got psychiatric clearance that I understood the risks of surgery and was competent to make up my own mind.

None of it mattered. I was repeatedly treated as second to a man and a baby who didn’t even exist. I was denied the autonomy to decide what I wanted for my body.

Eventually the bleeding became so severe they had to do the surgery as an emergency because I was dying in the ER. By that point I had a boyfriend, albeit we had only been together a few months and he had no legal standing to make decisions for me.

As they were wheeling me off for emergency and life saving surgery, they stopped to ask his permission.

They asked him if he was “ok” with my being unable to bear children. If he would leave me if I couldn’t procreate “for him”.

We hadn’t even said “I love you” yet and he was being given a say in whether or not I survived.

Needless to say he was enraged but told them to do what was necessary to save my life and leave him out of it. He understood that it was my body, my choice. If he ended up wanting children, we could have adopted. We could have used a surrogate. There were options.

Thankfully I survived the surgery, but in one final display of misogyny and disrespect, I was placed on the maternity ward for the first two days of post operative recovery. I had to be surrounded by new Moms and their babies after having my womb ripped out of me.

I didn’t want babies, but I still didn’t need to be surrounded by them when I was grieving the loss of my fertility. It was almost like the doctors were so angry that I ‘got my way’ that they wanted to punish me by placing me on the maternity floor. I couldn’t escape the misogyny and they seemed intent on showing me that my ‘womanly purpose’ was gone.

Once my uterus was removed, my quality of life returned. My anemia vanished and I was able to work and play and take care of myself again. I was no longer in daily pain and chained to a hospital bed. It was the best thing to ever happen to me.

Even some of the doctors who had denied me the right to choose remarked that I was a different person after the operation. Yet none of them said sorry. None said they were wrong. None expressed remorse for stealing years of my life in a futile attempt to save a womb I didn’t want.

Photo by Aiden Frazier on Unsplash

Image Description: A woman in a white hat and shirt holds a sign that says “Our Life - Our Decision”

We Are More Than Our Ability To Bear Children

I think about what happened to me whenever I read about abortion rights being clawed back in the US. I’m in Canada and I wasn’t pregnant. If I was treated as second to my womb, what hope do American women have of coming first in states with strict bans?

The answer is… no hope. One need not look any further than the case of Adriana Smith, who was declared brain dead at nine weeks pregnant and kept on organ and tissue support without the consent of next of kin. The state turned her into an incubator due to an abortion ban.

Her case is particularly horrifying, but we must remember that many people, especially among the Christian right, see us exactly that way. We are vessels. Our sole purpose in life is to procreate. What we want for our own lives comes second to our husbands and babies even if they don’t exist yet.

We need true autonomy over our bodies. Medical misogyny has killed and harmed too many of us. We need the legal right to decide what is best for ourselves and that right needs to extend to our wombs.

A man would never be forced to keep a diseased organ inside his body if he didn’t want it. A man would never be told a hypothetical future wife comes before his own wants and needs. It’s subjugation, and it needs to end.

We must all fight for true bodily autonomy. For women like me. For women like Adriana. For the women in Georgia and Texas who’ve already lost their lives due to abortion bans. For our daughters, nieces and fellow travellers who deserve to be treated as people, not wombs.

We also need to call out the role that discrimination plays in these decisions. Had I been a woman of colour or visibly disabled, I likely would have had an easier time accessing sterilization.

Because it’s not just misogyny, it’s laced with ableism, eugenics and racism as well.

The people behind these abortion bans want the ‘right’ kinds of babies. They want white Christian babies. They don’t want disabled babies. Black babies. Indigenous babies.

This is why the government has no business legislating what we do with our bodies.

There’s An Exception for the Health of the Mother!

My experience with medical misogyny taught me that a large number of people in the medical profession don’t see women as people, they see us as wombs. They see us as ‘less than’ our male counterparts.

It was a painful lesson I had to learn at a very young age, but it also helped form my stance on abortion rights.

No one should have to go through what I went through, and yet it happens to women in every country in the world. I’ve spoken to thousands of people who’ve all been denied the right to choose what was best for their bodies, even when there was no fetus involved.

Which brings us back to abortion bans and the disingenuous argument the forced birth crowd like to make when we point out that pregnancy can be dangerous. “There are exceptions for the health or life of the mother.”

Sure, in theory these bans do have exceptions if the mother’s life is at risk. But we don’t live in theory, we live in reality.

I needed a hysterectomy, and countless doctors said ‘No’. They put my non existent and hypothetical fetus ahead of my health and my life.

If they say ‘No’ under those circumstances, are we really supposed to trust them to risk criminal prosecution and jail time to save a pregnant woman? Of course not. They’re going to prioritize the life of the fetus. They’re going to put the woman second.

That’s why maternal mortality is so much higher in states with strict abortion bans. Misogyny is everywhere, and it isn’t easy to overcome.

Even the good doctors who believe women should be allowed to decide what’s best for their body may fail to save the mother’s life when there’s an abortion ban.

Why? The law is incredibly vague. It states that healthcare workers can terminate a pregnancy when the life of the mother is in imminent danger.

Who decides what counts as imminent danger? I was in imminent danger for at least a few weeks before my hysterectomy. I very nearly died. I was still denied care until I was actually at death’s door. By the time I went for surgery I only had a 50/50 chance of survival.

People who are pregnant decompensate fast. The human body is pretty amazing. It can hang on for longer than you might realize.

A doctor may know that a patient is septic, bleeding out, or losing their pregnancy… but unless their vitals are so bad that death would be considered imminent, the doctor will hesitate to act. The legal teams at the hospitals will tell them to wait until there’s no question that the woman is about to die.

The problem with waiting that long is you’re rolling the dice with our lives. Once it’s clear we are about to die, you may not be able to save us.

You’re forcing us to undergo unnecessary trauma and health risks just to ensure you don’t run afoul of the law. And the worst part is that lawmakers know this is happening. In fact, they’re counting on it. It’s why these abortion bans are written in such an ambiguous way.

Once it’s clear that a pregnant woman is about to die, I’m sure heroic measures are taken. I’m sure the doctors and nurses pull out all the stops to try and save her life. But why should it ever be allowed to get to that point?

Why can’t they intervene when we have a 99% chance of survival, instead of waiting until our odds have drastically dwindled?

Because of abortion bans. They are preventing healthcare workers from acting in the best interests of their patient. They’re insisting the life of the fetus be put above the life of the mother. Even when the fetus has no chance of survival or miscarriage has already happened, doctors still fear criminal prosecution for intervening.

Where Do We Go From Here?

To start, we have to admit the truth about these laws. They were not designed to protect life. They weren’t designed to protect women or children.

They were designed to control us. To further a white Christian nationalist agenda that seeks to ‘encourage’ women to procreate at all costs. Whether you want a child or not, whether you can support one or not, whether you will survive pregnancy or not.

Misogyny is too pervasive to think these laws will ever be applied fairly. To think that the ‘exceptions’ will ever be anything more than window dressing.

If I couldn’t have my womb removed when there was no fetus to consider, imagine the struggles pregnant people are going to face.

In my humble opinion, it’s no longer safe to get pregnant in any state with a strict abortion ban. I would argue pregnancy isn’t safe in the United States at all.

It’s time we start thinking long and hard about whether it’s worth the risk, and continue to fight for true reproductive freedom for all.

That means full control over our bodies, whether that be access to a tubal ligation or hysterectomy, abortion, or emergency medical care for pregnancy related complications.

In the meantime, I strongly suggest women stop discussing their pregnancies (or their plans to become pregnant) online.

Stop using period trackers. Don’t research abortion online if it can be avoided.

Keep as much of your reproductive related information to yourself. It could save your life.

Lastly, support the fight for reproductive freedom. Follow and amplify independent journalists who are dedicated to getting the message out. People like

Jessica Valenti

who are doing excellent reporting day in and day out.

Support Planned Parenthood and local state abortion funds. Donate to the legal defence funds of women who are arrested for miscarrying or for pregnancy loss.

There’s lots of ways you can help, but it starts with recognizing there is a significant problem and then committing to advocating for change.

Have you dealt with endometriosis or adenomyosis? Have you struggled to access the healthcare you deserve?

Or are you someone who’s concerned about abortion bans and the criminalization of pregnancy loss?

Share your thoughts below and let’s discuss how we can help overcome medical misogyny and overturn these dangerous bans!