When a disabled person is mistreated in healthcare, they're told to 'just' complain. It's not that simple. There's a culture of retaliation in the medical field that makes complaining very hard to do.
I am caring for a desperately ill relative and in just the first few weeks we have no end of concerns and complaints... some at one of the best programs in the US. But we don't dare rock the boat. People just do not get that we have zero power and would risk all. They hold all the cards including the power to withhold lifesaving treatment.
I’m so sorry to hear Virginia but I completely understand. As you say they hold all the cards. And we need to reform the system so that patients have more of a voice and a genuine chance at having complaints properly addressed!!
I didn't believe I needed an advocate until I had a doc say I was suicidal and try to admit me because..she took over a week to approve my psych med that was very high dose and wouldnt respond to my calls trying to make sure she got the phone request in the first place. Deciding to walk over and just ask was the worst decision of my life and very traumatic, and I had to have mom come get me after their security decided to chase me off an embankment into a lake. The cops said this was a... Normal occurance.
I switched hospitals. And doctors. I didn't complain because all I got was 'talk to our lawyer's and 'im sorry you feel that way'.
Retaliation because I wanted to verify they got my med request and were putting it through... Was not something I expected. All I needed was a simple yes/no, not them deciding to try and commit me because I dared want a question answered because some meds are really dangerous to suddenly stop.
The power imbalance means that not only can you be ignored and lied about, but that they know you don't always have a choice of where you can afford to go and get care. And people will believe them over you because they're a Doctor/Nurse and you're just Poor/Disabled/Marginalized-group-whatever. It's easy for others to think the worst of a stranger trying to get help. It's hard to think that you can be the victim at any point.
In America, we may have shorter wait times, but I’d say the quality of care is about the same. Then, two months later, you find out that specialist wasn’t covered by insurance and now you owe $2,000 for a treatment that literally did nothing. As a disabled person with chronic illness/pain, you start to feel like a piggy bank after a while. I wish the healthcare system was more interested in healing our misery than profiting from it.
Yeah if I had to choose between the two systems I would choose Canada every day and twice on Sunday. it's already so hard to consider whether it's 'worth it' to try an ER or another specialist after being let down so many times, I can't imagine also having to worry about whether it would leave me in crushing debt.
I wish we could adopt Universal Healthcare while also working to bring down wait times. The problem we have is that a lot of the top specialists can make so much more money in a private system that they leave the country.
Perhaps if there was no privatized healthcare, we would all be better off.
I'm still pleased I complained because without continually complaining the choice was watching him die. One of the healthworkers practically shoved a complaint form in my hands, she'd had enough of the problem doctors at the hospital but was terrified for her job. What I should have made clearer that the guy was not only liar but all the staff were either terrified of him or treated him like a minor deity. And you know what that means. So in a small country where all the specialists know each other that made treatment very hard to get.
Fortunately, there was another higher-up complaints step, the Health and Disabilities commissioner. Just threatening to go there and intimating I knew someone who knew him got us kicked into this weird primary physician as expert category which meant his doctor could prescribe the drug needed. The drug the MAPU doc recognised he needed 7 years earlier but the so-called experts kept overruling.
So, anyway, yes there's a risk to complaining, but sometimes there is no choice. And sometimes its just the right thing to do. We need to get some of the toxic people out of medicine as they poison hospitals and care for everyone in a field full of people who went in caring deeply about helping others.
I’m glad it worked out for you in the end, and I agree that sometimes there’s no choice.
I was just reading about a doctor in Cornwall who had complaints against him for years. Discriminatory and harassing behaviour but nothing was ever done.
Now he’s finally before a review committee and may very well lose his license. Everyone who complained had a role in getting to that point, because it took multiple complaints for the system to take it seriously!
Yes, a myriad of complaints do sometimes work. There was a new orthopedicdoctor I went to see and, when I complained to my husband about him, my husband did alas say it couldn't have been that bad. So, I took husband to the next visit. As we left, my husband said he was right that the doctor wasn't as bad as I'd said—he was worse. He called patient services and lodged the complaint. The representative sighed, "oh, him! You're the third person to call today!" The doctor was dismissed from the HMO two days later (not simply transferred).
This is truth as I know from experience the risks of lodging a complaint and likewise know from experience that it is rare that any complaint, no matter how valid, results in a positive outcome for the patient - that one positive encounter you relate is both exceptional and exceptionally rare in my experience. I hesitate to call the medical profession an old boy's club since there are as many female as male doctors but it is essentially the equivalent. I agree also with your suggestion of being complimentary for deserving medical treatment - again, in my experience, this has proved invaluable - like online ratings, patients with a beef are usually first in line to report but those who are satisfied, rarely take the time to comment - take the time, it could help some day. When my physician announced his retirement, I sent him a very nice letter thanking him for many years of service and wishing him well in his retirement. It was months before I was able to connect with a new physician but in the meantime, without being asked, and unknown to me, my retiring physician left me several script repeats that more than tided me over till I was able to secure a new physician. I might add my physician was apparently flabbergasted that someone took the time to write such a nice letter
I am so glad I came across your page. I noticed you’re from Canada too. I’m over in Alberta and have experienced the neglect myself personally and have witnessed it for so many. Our healthcare system is so very poorly ran. Country wide. It’s not even a provincial issue anymore. And our disabled in our country suffer immensely due to it. I am so incredibly sorry you have been experiencing all of this.
I’m not sure if you’ve followed what’s happening here in AB but, The Government of Alberta decided to claw back the CDB and now have informed AISH recipients they must apply for the CDB, so should they be eligible, the government can reduce their AISH by the corresponding amount. Basically in doing so clawing back up to $200/month of what would be the combined amount of AISH and CDB. So now we’re penalizing our disabled even more.
It’s just a sad world right now. If I’m being honest, it wasn’t until my son was born (missing left arm below elbow and hand) that I now truly see & understand how bad this country and the world treats the disabled & limb different communities. I’ve noticed things like places that should have automatic doors & ramps or no braille/large print on signs. It isn’t hard to be accommodating. And it isn’t hard to be kind. I hope that the future generations are better and more accepting for people with disabilities.
“It isn’t hard to be kind”. That’s so important and a message I think has been lost for far too long.
I’m in Ontario but sadly well aware of what’s happening in Alberta, I even included them in a recent article about how we devalue the lives of disabled people.
It’s awful they’re going to claw back a benefit that was intended to help get people out of poverty so they wouldn’t feel pushed into assisted dying.
Honestly I think it has been too. Like it literally takes nothing to be a kind & good person. It’s such a sad world we live in where things like kindness, acceptance and grace just really don’t exist anymore. The worlds become cruel, hard and mean. And I really don’t like it.
I’m going to check out your article here soon! Thanks for letting me know about it 😊
It’s truly so awful and just sickening how our disabled are being treated. I do worry how things will be like when my son’s an adult. I hope every day that the world will be kinder, gentler and more accessible for him and others just like him.
Thank you for replying! Here’s to hoping our country and its healthcare system gets its poop in a group!
I was just reading about how bad the measles outbreak has become in Alberta, and all the babies who've contracted it in utero. It's so heartbreaking as they will have an increased risk of disability because of what their parents chose to do.
here's the articles so you don't have to go searching!
The measles’s outbreak is so terrifying. And it’s all 100% preventable. This province and country just has sooo many things backwards.
I was so scared for the longest time and I still am. Plus I’m not immune to measles or chicken pox, so I have to get routine immunizations to give myself some form of a chance. So not only is my baby at risk but so am I. It’s awful here.
I agree, though my experience was in Canada. Sadly we have our challenges too even when it's not for profit (though at least we don't get billed for the bad experiences)
Thank you so much for your writing on this. I'm in the UK and the situation is the same. I have ME and other conditions and have had so much medical trauma and am currently in the middle of a very difficult situation. Feeling too fragile to go into right now but I appreciate the identification.
Healthcare for women, children, POC, and disabled people is still in the Victorian era. Male doctors are "gods" and only other white men are considered worthy of proper care.
Would you believe someone tried to tell me that if I were a man I would have been killed? That women get 'superior protection' so I should be grateful?
I know you will believe it, because men live in their own completely detached universe it seems!
Jfc🫠 I cannot argue that. I don't ever remember a time when women got "superior protection." As if not just killing us outright was protecting us🥴 Oh wait, they did kill us outright. Burned many us alive and drowned a lot of us too.
I'm glad you took the time to encourage calling out good experiences and health care workers who do extra positive things. While I know the theme here is the frequent barriers and examples of poor treatment in medicine as you pointed out, it also makes me sad to see the amount of change of the public in general towards workers. I live in a big city and at the start of covid we were all publically clapping for them every evening, and now every office I call/visit has signs or answering machine messages telling people not to be rude or verbally abusive. Would love seeing more patience and kindness from all parties, especially since neither are responsible for the funding cuts that have caused many of the issues in the first place.
Thank you for mentioning that part of the article! I really think we're often too quick to criticize and too slow to praise, and of course it's not helped by the fact that most of us have far more negative experiences than positive ones.
But if we provide positive feedback, it could make a world of difference!
I’m still sitting here 2 weeks after a disastrous cardiology appointment trying to decide if it’s safe for me to lodge a complaint (it’s not). It’s a hospital-wide issue though so I know others will be harmed without ever understanding why. If I was healthier, I would be making so much noise right now. But I’m not and am terrified of losing a specialist who’s kept me alive for 4 years. Really have no idea what to do.
I’m so sorry Brooke. I know that feeling all too well. Especially if dealing with something tricky or rare, it can be incredibly daunting to consider losing access to one of the few doctors who can help.
If I can help at all with your decision making, please feel free to send me a message. Happy to kick around ideas.
Such a powerful, important piece, thank you for sharing. While we all think we want to be the most interesting person in the room, you never, ever want to be the most interesting person in a doctor’s office. Unfortunately, this truth doesn’t typically resonate until you experience it. Thank you for your advocacy through your work and sharing your lived experience!
Thank you for including my article. Your writing always bring perspective to me, and to many healthcare professionals who read it. The power differential is so vast in healthcare that it facilitates the violation of bodily autonomy often. And we must change that. To be honest, sometimes I catch myself leaning in that power, it’s how we’ve all been taught. But when I catch it, today, I’m no longer afraid to go back and say, I’m sorry let’s start over. It’s a working progress. And writings like yours affirm the value of this work! Thank you. 🥹🩵
So I'm not talking about me,but my sister in law,who recently passed away on Feb.22,suddenly and unexpectedly.
She was disabled from a stroke about 5 or 6 years prior,plus Parkinson's.Her balance was iffy,but ok inside the house.
But she developed a cough about 2 years ago.The doctor she was going to was obsessed that she had a lung or chest issue.She went through numerous X-rays,MRI,CAT scans,etc.All surprisingly clear,since she smoked most of her life.She was given inhalers,for every pulmonary issue known,and none worked.In fact,he cough grew worse.I bought her over the counter cough tablets,which did help.
She had several specific complaints about what was bothering her.She said she felt like something was"stuck"in her throat,and nothing would make it go away,it wouldn't go down or come up.I noticed she didn't eat as much anymore.So she might have had swallowing issues.My brother went with her for doctor's visits,when they went to the specialists they would ask him questions about her,and answer his.But the primary care doctor usually ignored his questions or comments.And he wouldn't entertain the thought of checking her throat and neck for any issues,even just to rule out there was a problem that might need attention.
On the night before she died,he said she said she felt like she was in a closed in space,and couldn't breathe.I was sleeping,so I didn't know this was happening.So she finally laid down around 3:00am,and I got up around 6:00-6:30 am so we could go run a couple errands.We got back around 11:00 that morning,unloaded and put stuff away and ate something.The odd thing is she wasn't up and my teenage son was watching TV instead of her.So when my brother went to check on her,he came out and called me.She looked asleep.He told me to lift her arm.She was already gone.We were shocked,but I ran and grabbed my phone to call for help.As I was talking,the shock settled in and it hit me what happened.The operator had to talk to me so I wouldn't lose my composure.
But she had a test that same week,on her chest,and when my brother went back that Monday,two days after she passed,the test said nothing was wrong.I believe what was wrong was never looked for,or even considered to be a thing worth pursuing.
I looked up info about throat cancer, frighteningly,she had multiple symptoms that were long ignored by her doctor.I have been told someone should look into it.Should we?There is still so much we have facing us right now I'm not sure it's even worth pursuing,even to potentially save someone else later.So I'm not sure what to do.
Thank y'all for hearing me out.Any input welcomed,and thanks for helping.
I am caring for a desperately ill relative and in just the first few weeks we have no end of concerns and complaints... some at one of the best programs in the US. But we don't dare rock the boat. People just do not get that we have zero power and would risk all. They hold all the cards including the power to withhold lifesaving treatment.
I’m so sorry to hear Virginia but I completely understand. As you say they hold all the cards. And we need to reform the system so that patients have more of a voice and a genuine chance at having complaints properly addressed!!
I didn't believe I needed an advocate until I had a doc say I was suicidal and try to admit me because..she took over a week to approve my psych med that was very high dose and wouldnt respond to my calls trying to make sure she got the phone request in the first place. Deciding to walk over and just ask was the worst decision of my life and very traumatic, and I had to have mom come get me after their security decided to chase me off an embankment into a lake. The cops said this was a... Normal occurance.
I switched hospitals. And doctors. I didn't complain because all I got was 'talk to our lawyer's and 'im sorry you feel that way'.
Retaliation because I wanted to verify they got my med request and were putting it through... Was not something I expected. All I needed was a simple yes/no, not them deciding to try and commit me because I dared want a question answered because some meds are really dangerous to suddenly stop.
The power imbalance means that not only can you be ignored and lied about, but that they know you don't always have a choice of where you can afford to go and get care. And people will believe them over you because they're a Doctor/Nurse and you're just Poor/Disabled/Marginalized-group-whatever. It's easy for others to think the worst of a stranger trying to get help. It's hard to think that you can be the victim at any point.
I’m so sorry for what happened to you Roo, and glad you had your mom available to come and help.
Were you able to get your medication in the end?
An important piece!
In America, we may have shorter wait times, but I’d say the quality of care is about the same. Then, two months later, you find out that specialist wasn’t covered by insurance and now you owe $2,000 for a treatment that literally did nothing. As a disabled person with chronic illness/pain, you start to feel like a piggy bank after a while. I wish the healthcare system was more interested in healing our misery than profiting from it.
Yeah if I had to choose between the two systems I would choose Canada every day and twice on Sunday. it's already so hard to consider whether it's 'worth it' to try an ER or another specialist after being let down so many times, I can't imagine also having to worry about whether it would leave me in crushing debt.
I wish we could adopt Universal Healthcare while also working to bring down wait times. The problem we have is that a lot of the top specialists can make so much more money in a private system that they leave the country.
Perhaps if there was no privatized healthcare, we would all be better off.
That's so true.
I'm still pleased I complained because without continually complaining the choice was watching him die. One of the healthworkers practically shoved a complaint form in my hands, she'd had enough of the problem doctors at the hospital but was terrified for her job. What I should have made clearer that the guy was not only liar but all the staff were either terrified of him or treated him like a minor deity. And you know what that means. So in a small country where all the specialists know each other that made treatment very hard to get.
Fortunately, there was another higher-up complaints step, the Health and Disabilities commissioner. Just threatening to go there and intimating I knew someone who knew him got us kicked into this weird primary physician as expert category which meant his doctor could prescribe the drug needed. The drug the MAPU doc recognised he needed 7 years earlier but the so-called experts kept overruling.
So, anyway, yes there's a risk to complaining, but sometimes there is no choice. And sometimes its just the right thing to do. We need to get some of the toxic people out of medicine as they poison hospitals and care for everyone in a field full of people who went in caring deeply about helping others.
I’m glad it worked out for you in the end, and I agree that sometimes there’s no choice.
I was just reading about a doctor in Cornwall who had complaints against him for years. Discriminatory and harassing behaviour but nothing was ever done.
Now he’s finally before a review committee and may very well lose his license. Everyone who complained had a role in getting to that point, because it took multiple complaints for the system to take it seriously!
Yes, a myriad of complaints do sometimes work. There was a new orthopedicdoctor I went to see and, when I complained to my husband about him, my husband did alas say it couldn't have been that bad. So, I took husband to the next visit. As we left, my husband said he was right that the doctor wasn't as bad as I'd said—he was worse. He called patient services and lodged the complaint. The representative sighed, "oh, him! You're the third person to call today!" The doctor was dismissed from the HMO two days later (not simply transferred).
This is truth as I know from experience the risks of lodging a complaint and likewise know from experience that it is rare that any complaint, no matter how valid, results in a positive outcome for the patient - that one positive encounter you relate is both exceptional and exceptionally rare in my experience. I hesitate to call the medical profession an old boy's club since there are as many female as male doctors but it is essentially the equivalent. I agree also with your suggestion of being complimentary for deserving medical treatment - again, in my experience, this has proved invaluable - like online ratings, patients with a beef are usually first in line to report but those who are satisfied, rarely take the time to comment - take the time, it could help some day. When my physician announced his retirement, I sent him a very nice letter thanking him for many years of service and wishing him well in his retirement. It was months before I was able to connect with a new physician but in the meantime, without being asked, and unknown to me, my retiring physician left me several script repeats that more than tided me over till I was able to secure a new physician. I might add my physician was apparently flabbergasted that someone took the time to write such a nice letter
Thank you so much for sharing an example of positive feedback having such a wonderful impact.
I think people often don’t consider the type of change that can come from positive reinforcement, but it can and does make a difference.
Complaining is hard and takes many many spoons, whereas paying a compliment is much less stressful.
If only more doctors were the “good ones” deserving of those compliments.
I am so glad I came across your page. I noticed you’re from Canada too. I’m over in Alberta and have experienced the neglect myself personally and have witnessed it for so many. Our healthcare system is so very poorly ran. Country wide. It’s not even a provincial issue anymore. And our disabled in our country suffer immensely due to it. I am so incredibly sorry you have been experiencing all of this.
I’m not sure if you’ve followed what’s happening here in AB but, The Government of Alberta decided to claw back the CDB and now have informed AISH recipients they must apply for the CDB, so should they be eligible, the government can reduce their AISH by the corresponding amount. Basically in doing so clawing back up to $200/month of what would be the combined amount of AISH and CDB. So now we’re penalizing our disabled even more.
It’s just a sad world right now. If I’m being honest, it wasn’t until my son was born (missing left arm below elbow and hand) that I now truly see & understand how bad this country and the world treats the disabled & limb different communities. I’ve noticed things like places that should have automatic doors & ramps or no braille/large print on signs. It isn’t hard to be accommodating. And it isn’t hard to be kind. I hope that the future generations are better and more accepting for people with disabilities.
“It isn’t hard to be kind”. That’s so important and a message I think has been lost for far too long.
I’m in Ontario but sadly well aware of what’s happening in Alberta, I even included them in a recent article about how we devalue the lives of disabled people.
It’s awful they’re going to claw back a benefit that was intended to help get people out of poverty so they wouldn’t feel pushed into assisted dying.
I’m glad you found me too!
Honestly I think it has been too. Like it literally takes nothing to be a kind & good person. It’s such a sad world we live in where things like kindness, acceptance and grace just really don’t exist anymore. The worlds become cruel, hard and mean. And I really don’t like it.
I’m going to check out your article here soon! Thanks for letting me know about it 😊
It’s truly so awful and just sickening how our disabled are being treated. I do worry how things will be like when my son’s an adult. I hope every day that the world will be kinder, gentler and more accessible for him and others just like him.
Thank you for replying! Here’s to hoping our country and its healthcare system gets its poop in a group!
I was just reading about how bad the measles outbreak has become in Alberta, and all the babies who've contracted it in utero. It's so heartbreaking as they will have an increased risk of disability because of what their parents chose to do.
here's the articles so you don't have to go searching!
https://www.disabledginger.com/p/why-do-we-undervalue-the-lives-of
The measles’s outbreak is so terrifying. And it’s all 100% preventable. This province and country just has sooo many things backwards.
I was so scared for the longest time and I still am. Plus I’m not immune to measles or chicken pox, so I have to get routine immunizations to give myself some form of a chance. So not only is my baby at risk but so am I. It’s awful here.
Until our system is made Not for Profit, they won't care.
The only reason anybody does "care" in America is because they're paid to.
I agree, though my experience was in Canada. Sadly we have our challenges too even when it's not for profit (though at least we don't get billed for the bad experiences)
Thank you so much for your writing on this. I'm in the UK and the situation is the same. I have ME and other conditions and have had so much medical trauma and am currently in the middle of a very difficult situation. Feeling too fragile to go into right now but I appreciate the identification.
I'm so sorry to hear. The way patients with ME get treated is a blight on our healthcare systems and morality as a whole.
If I can help in any way please don't hesitate to reach out. There may be others within the community who can offer support too.
Healthcare for women, children, POC, and disabled people is still in the Victorian era. Male doctors are "gods" and only other white men are considered worthy of proper care.
Would you believe someone tried to tell me that if I were a man I would have been killed? That women get 'superior protection' so I should be grateful?
I know you will believe it, because men live in their own completely detached universe it seems!
Jfc🫠 I cannot argue that. I don't ever remember a time when women got "superior protection." As if not just killing us outright was protecting us🥴 Oh wait, they did kill us outright. Burned many us alive and drowned a lot of us too.
I'm glad you took the time to encourage calling out good experiences and health care workers who do extra positive things. While I know the theme here is the frequent barriers and examples of poor treatment in medicine as you pointed out, it also makes me sad to see the amount of change of the public in general towards workers. I live in a big city and at the start of covid we were all publically clapping for them every evening, and now every office I call/visit has signs or answering machine messages telling people not to be rude or verbally abusive. Would love seeing more patience and kindness from all parties, especially since neither are responsible for the funding cuts that have caused many of the issues in the first place.
Thank you for mentioning that part of the article! I really think we're often too quick to criticize and too slow to praise, and of course it's not helped by the fact that most of us have far more negative experiences than positive ones.
But if we provide positive feedback, it could make a world of difference!
I've worked for both health insurances and hospitals. Being treated horrible at both dealing with several mental health illnesses suck.
I’m so sorry you were treated badly by both. Definitely all too common.
Thank you for writing on this subject.
I’m still sitting here 2 weeks after a disastrous cardiology appointment trying to decide if it’s safe for me to lodge a complaint (it’s not). It’s a hospital-wide issue though so I know others will be harmed without ever understanding why. If I was healthier, I would be making so much noise right now. But I’m not and am terrified of losing a specialist who’s kept me alive for 4 years. Really have no idea what to do.
I’m so sorry Brooke. I know that feeling all too well. Especially if dealing with something tricky or rare, it can be incredibly daunting to consider losing access to one of the few doctors who can help.
If I can help at all with your decision making, please feel free to send me a message. Happy to kick around ideas.
I just want to say to the disabled ginger, thankyou from the bottom of my heart.
You’re so welcome Barbara! Thank you for taking the time to leave such a lovely comment. I appreciate it!
Such a powerful, important piece, thank you for sharing. While we all think we want to be the most interesting person in the room, you never, ever want to be the most interesting person in a doctor’s office. Unfortunately, this truth doesn’t typically resonate until you experience it. Thank you for your advocacy through your work and sharing your lived experience!
Thank you for including my article. Your writing always bring perspective to me, and to many healthcare professionals who read it. The power differential is so vast in healthcare that it facilitates the violation of bodily autonomy often. And we must change that. To be honest, sometimes I catch myself leaning in that power, it’s how we’ve all been taught. But when I catch it, today, I’m no longer afraid to go back and say, I’m sorry let’s start over. It’s a working progress. And writings like yours affirm the value of this work! Thank you. 🥹🩵
So I'm not talking about me,but my sister in law,who recently passed away on Feb.22,suddenly and unexpectedly.
She was disabled from a stroke about 5 or 6 years prior,plus Parkinson's.Her balance was iffy,but ok inside the house.
But she developed a cough about 2 years ago.The doctor she was going to was obsessed that she had a lung or chest issue.She went through numerous X-rays,MRI,CAT scans,etc.All surprisingly clear,since she smoked most of her life.She was given inhalers,for every pulmonary issue known,and none worked.In fact,he cough grew worse.I bought her over the counter cough tablets,which did help.
She had several specific complaints about what was bothering her.She said she felt like something was"stuck"in her throat,and nothing would make it go away,it wouldn't go down or come up.I noticed she didn't eat as much anymore.So she might have had swallowing issues.My brother went with her for doctor's visits,when they went to the specialists they would ask him questions about her,and answer his.But the primary care doctor usually ignored his questions or comments.And he wouldn't entertain the thought of checking her throat and neck for any issues,even just to rule out there was a problem that might need attention.
On the night before she died,he said she said she felt like she was in a closed in space,and couldn't breathe.I was sleeping,so I didn't know this was happening.So she finally laid down around 3:00am,and I got up around 6:00-6:30 am so we could go run a couple errands.We got back around 11:00 that morning,unloaded and put stuff away and ate something.The odd thing is she wasn't up and my teenage son was watching TV instead of her.So when my brother went to check on her,he came out and called me.She looked asleep.He told me to lift her arm.She was already gone.We were shocked,but I ran and grabbed my phone to call for help.As I was talking,the shock settled in and it hit me what happened.The operator had to talk to me so I wouldn't lose my composure.
But she had a test that same week,on her chest,and when my brother went back that Monday,two days after she passed,the test said nothing was wrong.I believe what was wrong was never looked for,or even considered to be a thing worth pursuing.
I looked up info about throat cancer, frighteningly,she had multiple symptoms that were long ignored by her doctor.I have been told someone should look into it.Should we?There is still so much we have facing us right now I'm not sure it's even worth pursuing,even to potentially save someone else later.So I'm not sure what to do.
Thank y'all for hearing me out.Any input welcomed,and thanks for helping.